Think of a time when you sat with a friend in pain, offering comfort just by being there. Perhaps you’ve also felt the power of compassion yourself—the relief of being truly listened to with warmth and understanding, the quiet strength of someone standing by your side when you needed it most, or the soothing comfort of a friend’s kind words during a difficult time.
These moments remind us of how powerful compassion can be—yet we often forget to offer that same care to ourselves. Instead, we judge our mistakes harshly, carry the weight of responsibilities without pause, feel frustrated by others’ actions, or resist situations beyond our control. We may understand the value of kindness and compassion—but when we’re the ones struggling, it can be hard to put them into practice. In those moments of stress, self-criticism, overwhelm, or overthinking, staying present and being gentle with ourselves can feel out of reach for most of us.
The Self-Compassion Break is a simple practice that helps us offer ourselves the same care and support we’d naturally give a close friend in a similar struggle. It’s called a “break” because it interrupts our usual pattern of reacting harshly. Like a tea break or a snack break, it gives us a moment to pause and do something different—something more caring.
In this practice, we gently bring to mind a recent challenge—not to fix it, but to use it as a chance to respond with kindness through three simple steps. Over time, this helps build the habit of self-compassion.
Practicing a Self-Compassion Break
1. Acknowledge the Struggle
Think of a difficult situation that you’re currently facing. If you’re new to this practice, it’s best to choose something that’s moderately difficult—not something that feels too overwhelming. As you bring this situation to mind, take a few deep breaths and notice what you’re feeling, without judgment. See if you can actually feel the stress or emotional discomfort in your body. Instead of pushing the emotions away, simply acknowledge them with words like:
- I am currently stressed about ___________
- This is suffering.
- This hurts so bad.
- This is a moment of pain.
- This is really difficult right now.
- I’m feeling overwhelmed/ frustrated.
You can choose any of these that resonate with you, or create your own. Naming your experience helps you stay present with it, rather than getting lost in it.
2. Remind Yourself You’re Not Alone
Difficult moments can feel isolating, but everyone experiences struggles—it’s part of being human. Remind yourself:
- I’m not alone in this.
- Others go through similar struggles too.
- Challenges are a natural part of life.
These words can help ease feelings of isolation and self-judgment. Choose the words that resonate with you.
3. Offer Yourself Kindness
Instead of being self-critical, respond with the same kindness you would offer a friend if they were in this situation. You can also ask yourself – “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?”.
You might place a hand on your heart, take a calming breath, and offer yourself kind words such as:
- Don’t worry ________ (your name). Things will get better soon.
- I accept myself as I am.
- I am calm, peaceful and strong inside.
- I let go of what is beyond my control and be at peace.
- I forgive myself.
- I forgive others for my own peace of mind.
- I love and care for myself.
- I give myself love and respect unconditionally.
- I love and appreciate myself for all that I have done.
Feel free to adjust the words to suit your experience. The key is to pause and offer yourself care, rather than moving through suffering on autopilot.
Practice tip:
Practice this a few times in a day, till you have your own personal version of the statements that help you. The more you practice this when you are calm, the easier it is to practice when we have a challenge.
Reflection question
How did you feel after trying the Self-Compassion Break? Were there any particular words or statements that felt especially helpful or soothing in your situation?
References:
- Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion Break. self-compassion.org
- Greater Good in Education – Self-Compassion Break for Adults
- An Intro to Self-Compassion: The Self-Compassion Break – Intentional Expat